Do you want to learn how to talk to girls to get and hold their attention? Perhaps someone in your favourite café caught your eye, and you want to get to know them better. Or maybe your mate wants to introduce you to a cousin or co-worker he thinks you’ll hit it off with.
Sharing an engaging conversation is one of the best ways to establish a connection – at least enough to lead to a first date.
For many men, talking to women can be nerve-wracking. Confidence is one thing, but knowing how to sweet talk a girl respectfully is necessary. Doing so is not simply about making a good impression. It’s about showing kindness and empathy.
When getting a girl’s attention, you can’t go wrong when you treat her respectfully. While it would be great to see whether sparks fly between you and the apple of your eye, showing a woman you’re capable of respecting her boundaries puts you in a positive light, whether or not she’s interested in a romantic relationship.
Why you should talk to girls with respect
It should go without saying, but everyone, particularly women, deserves to be treated with respect. It means respecting their existence. After all, it is a basic tenet of human decency to treat others with kindness and respect. Women are often bombarded with unwanted attention and advances, making them feel uncomfortable and unsafe. By approaching women appropriately, you show that you value and appreciate their boundaries and autonomy.
Talking to women respectfully means treating them as equals and showing you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them as people instead of objectifying them. Open, honest, and polite communication can help establish trust and build relationships – whether for romantic, friendly, or even professional ties.
You may find that learning how to sweet talk a girl isn’t about being sweet as much as it is about being real in your communications and showcasing your authentic self.
How to talk to a girl with respect
Approaching someone you find attractive can be a great way to build rapport. Even if a romantic relationship isn’t in the cards, making new friends and expanding your social circle can be incredibly fulfilling.
Practise how to talk to women confidently and sincerely via these tips.
1. Establish eye contact and smile.
First, make eye contact and smile. Make it genuine. Nothing is worse than insincerity in this sort of situation. Flashing an honest, confident smile is an easy and non-verbal way of showing interest and letting them know you’re approachable without coming off as a threat.
2. Exude confidence.
Being confident doesn’t translate to being obnoxious or a showoff – nobody likes people who brag or put down others to make themselves look superior. That said, confidence is attractive in a man, which signifies a calm and quiet self-assuredness – someone who can carry a conversation.
Women are often drawn to men who are naturally comfortable in their skin. Focus on your positive qualities and what you have to offer, rather than getting bogged down by insecurities.
A great smile can also help boost confidence even further. Are crooked teeth preventing you from grinning proudly? Apart from aesthetics, crowded teeth can make you more prone to bad breath and other dental issues that could make you even more bashful.
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3. Approach the lady with a genuine compliment.
Women love it when someone notices something positive about them that goes beyond their physical appearance. Instead of commenting on her looks, try to find something specific and genuine to compliment, such as her intelligence, sense of humour, or creativity.
4. Listen actively.
While engaged in the conversation, listen actively to what they’re saying. Active listening is a genuine sign of respect that shows you care about the other person’s thoughts. Ask follow-up questions, nod along, and make eye contact.
5. Be genuine.
Being your authentic self isn’t just advice for how to talk to girls in a romantic sense. It also shows you have respect for the person you’re speaking with by not wasting their time.
Letting your true colours shine through is also a good idea.
A study by researchers from the University of Queensland published in Evolution and Human Behaviour surveyed participants in over 800 three-minute speed dates.
According to lead researcher Henry Wainwright from the University of Queensland’s School of Psychology, “Our results suggest that trying too hard to be funny on a date might be more counterproductive than helpful – you should just be yourself.”
6. Share stories and observations rather than opinions.
Coming on too strongly can be a turn-off, so try to avoid pushing your opinions or explaining how things work, which may be seen as mansplaining.
Practise the idea of “show, don’t tell.” When you want to express your thoughts on a topic, consider sharing stories or anecdotes instead. You can also talk about personal observations, especially if you provide a context for when and why you would make these.
Storytelling gives a better opportunity for connection and understanding than simply telling someone your opinion without giving them any context.
7. Be sensitive to your setting and mode of communication.
There’s no set formula for how to talk to girls – you’ll need to adjust to every person and situation. Cafes or restaurants are great venues as they’re designed for intimate in-person conversations. But what if you want to talk to someone you’ve met at a party? Or have gotten your crush’s number or other contact info and need to learn how to talk to a girl over text or online?
- How to talk to girls at parties or clubs
When learning how to talk to girls at parties or in a club or pub, you’d have to consider the type of party you’re attending. Is there loud music and a packed crowd? This limits you as you won’t want to scream at each other over the noise. So, you may want to invite them to a quieter area, like a different room or a balcony.
Parties, clubs, or bars may not feel like the safest venues for women, so someone you approach here may not be open to immersing themselves in a conversation with you. Try asking for a girl’s number so you can strike up a conversation through text or inviting them for coffee on another date instead.
- How to talk to a girl over text or online
So you’ve gotten your crush’s number or connected with her on social media. Now what? Talking over text or private messaging can be challenging because you don’t have the advantage of using vocal tone, facial expressions, or body language to help convey your meaning.
Here are some conversation tips for texts or DMs:
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- Don’t be a grammar geek. Many people find sticking to proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation in text feels too stiff and formal. So feel free to use shortened forms of words and lowercase capitalisation when texting your crush. Being too proper may make you seem older than you are or out of touch.
- Use GIFs and emojis – but don’t overdo it. Emojis and GIFs are a great substitute for facial expressions and nonverbal gestures. They also give you an easy way to inject humour into a chat, but don’t let these take over to the point that you’re not actually talking anymore.
- Keep it casual. Save deep thoughts and topics for later in your relationship, or at least for face-to-face conversations. Sensitive subjects are also not the best for a mode of communication that is prone to misunderstandings.
- Answer promptly. Getting “seen-zoned” doesn’t feel great, so try not to do this to the girl you’re interested in. If she messages you something you want to give more attention and time to, you can tell her you’ll get back to her later. (A quick “currently at work, but I’ll message you on my break” or “on the road but TTYL” can keep a chat alive.)
- Check in with her. You can message your crush good morning or wish her a happy weekend. If she hasn’t gotten back to you in a day or two, you can ask if everything’s all right. Don’t check in too frequently, as this can be a red flag, but occasional messages let a girl know you’re thinking about her without disrespecting her boundaries.
- Don’t be a grammar geek. Many people find sticking to proper spelling, grammar, and punctuation in text feels too stiff and formal. So feel free to use shortened forms of words and lowercase capitalisation when texting your crush. Being too proper may make you seem older than you are or out of touch.
8. Respect their boundaries.
Approaching someone can go either way. No matter how friendly and open you are, sometimes the other person doesn’t seem interested in engaging or continuing a conversation. In this case, respect their boundaries and move on. Don’t push or force the conversation or make them feel uncomfortable.
Be mindful of unwanted touch. Even something as innocent as a hug may be taken the wrong way. Wait until the girl you’re talking to has said she feels comfortable with it or initiates these moves herself.
So, think you know how to talk to girls now? Approaching someone confidently and with lots of respect can be impressive. What are you waiting for? Go ahead and make the first move.
References:
Wainwright, H.M., Zhao, A.A.Z., Sidari, M.J., Lee, A.J., Roberts, N., Makras, T., & Zietsch, B.P. (2024, January). Laughter and ratings of funniness in speed-dating do not support the fitness indicator hypothesis of humour. Evolution and Human Behavior, 45(1), 75–81.
University of Queensland, Australia. (2023, October 18). Humour isn’t a deal-breaker when finding “the one.” UQ.edu.au.
