In this age of digital communication, it can be difficult to make genuine connections. So when you do find new and authentic friends, instead of faceless confidants, it is all the more precious. While some personalities are naturally suited to making and maintaining friendships, learning how to be more social can be tough if you lack confidence or are introverted.
Interacting socially only gets harder as the years pass. As you reach 25, the number of friends you make decreases drastically, reveals a study from the Royal Society Open Science journal. Once you hit 30, life whisks you away on a ride through career changes, kids, and occasional backaches.
Learning how to be more social at this point may seem challenging. But all hope is not lost! Keep reading to learn why you should make more of an effort to interact socially, plus tips on doing so.
Benefits of being more social
You probably already know that a healthy lifestyle can improve mental wellness, but did you know that the reverse is also true? Psychologists today are learning more and more about how psychological well-being can promote healthy bodies as well.
Among the factors contributing to mental wellness is socialisation—specifically, having friends and close confidants.
Multiple studies have found links between strong friendships and decreased risks of depression, anxiety and several chronic diseases and conditions, including heart problems and high blood pressure. Friendship has also shown links with brain activity in the regions related to motivation, reward, identity and sensory processing.
On the flip side, feelings of isolation and loneliness or having poor-quality relationships can make premature death more likely. So if you think about it, your friends are your literal lifesavers.
What’s problematic is that the widespread use of smartphones and social media has seen an increase in social disconnection and loneliness.
There sure are plenty of benefits to maintaining high-quality friendships!
Reasons you may have trouble socialising
What causes poor social skills? It seems easy to interact socially when you’re floating through your teens and 20s surrounded by new faces at school parties, or work.
When you hit the next decade and beyond, you’re more settled (in your company or relationship) and less likely to meet new people. And if you are being honest, you just don’t have as much energy in your social battery as you used to.
Here are other reasons developing social skills and maintaining relationships at any age can be challenging:
- Fear of rejection and vulnerability
- Insecurities about your appearance, status, income, and more
- Preference for quality relationships over quantity
- More time spent online
- Cliques—established social circles that aren’t very welcoming
- Evolving priorities
- Limited shared experiences
But don’t give up! Learning how to improve your social skills can take time and effort, but the benefits will be worth the work.
How to gain new friends
Research from Psychology and Aging emphasises that the quality of your friendships influences your happiness in your 30s. Thankfully, you can rely on several strategies to establish meaningful connections during this (and any) life stage.
Check out a few tips on how to improve your social skills below.
Tap into your current network.
Begin by exploring your present friendship network. Your friends have their connections, so spend time with them to increase the chances of expanding your circle. If you aren’t used to meeting new people, ask for help from your current crew to initiate introductions.
Not too keen on meeting your mate’s mates? As mentioned above, social media can be a roadblock to socialising, but if used correctly it can also help you reconnect with an old buddy. Slide into a childhood friend’s DMs and start up a conversation. The beauty of social media is that you’ll always have something to discuss. Hit that like button and ask about their recent food post or coo over pics of their pets. Then, steer the direction into catching up in person over a meal just as Instagrammable.
Pick up a new hobby.
Now is a terrific time to start a new hobby or sport. If you’re not sure where you can practise being more social, consider checking out a gym or yoga studio to find your groove. Take a cooking class to level up your culinary skills and find ways to eat more healthily. Or, join a book or photography club if you’re not into sports.
Step out of your comfort zone and try something for the first time. Learning alongside others with shared interests will open the doors to developing social skills and creating new bonds.
Say yes more often.
As you get older, you settle into a routine. Grabbing breakfast from your usual cafe, shuttling kids from one extracurricular to another on weekends – you get the picture. The daily grind can get in the way of socialisation.
Take a break from the usual and get your spouse to hold down the fort or take the kids so you can click accept to that poolside get-together. Take the leap and RSVP to your CEO’s wedding, even if your work bestie can’t make it.
It may sound contradictory, but being comfortable alone can draw others to you when they see your confidence flying solo. Invitations are an opportunity to be more social, so, have courage and say yes more often.
Maintain a healthy work-life balance.
Master the art of balancing work commitments and social activities. Respect your work hours so you can allot time for quick evening catchups. If it requires being more assertive with colleagues and bosses who try to infringe on your personal time, so be it.
During weekends, grab every opportunity to put yourself out there. Volunteer at a charity, participate in community events, or drive a neighbour to the airport. Why not sign up for a friendship app (yes, it’s a thing!) and allow yourself to swipe and scroll 30 minutes per day? As we said, the key is to use social media for, you guessed it – socialising!
Build your confidence and embrace your identity.
If social anxiety and lack of self-esteem, are holding you back from making new friends, you are not alone. Knowing how to be more social doesn’t always mean you’re suddenly a social butterfly.
While you can employ confidence-boosting tactics like adopting power poses or practising self-care, conquering your insecurities is a lifelong battle. But don’t let this justify being a wallflower, even if you don’t quite achieve the most congenial award. Allow your genuine personality to shine through, and you’ll attract truer, better friends.
Work on yourself.
You also need to take steps to appear more open and approachable. Say yes to revamping your look by trading your usual neutrals-only staple for an OOTD that shows off your vibrant character. Head to the salon for some self-love and ask for a K-pop star’s hairstyle and makeup look – a terrific conversation starter.
Or, get a smile makeover that will allow you to flash your friendliest grin! After all, a confident smile is the best tool in your charm arsenal. Schedule a dental appointment and consult your dentist about available treatments. If you have crooked teeth, an underbite or overbite, or any other teeth alignment issues, your dentist, orthodontist or dental surgeon should be able to help you choose the right aligners for your needs.
Apart from old-school options like metal braces and retainers, ask your dentist about ClearCorrect aligners, a revolutionary solution for teeth straightening. These invisible aligners use a tri-layer ClearQuartz material that’s discreet and resilient, so you get to fix your smile in style and comfort.
Smiling more often might just help you connect with other people better. While you’re at it, don’t forget to strike up a conversation with the clinic receptionist or the patient waiting beside you. Don’t miss out on any opportunity!
Learning how to be more social won’t happen overnight, so keep trying. Go at your own pace and do what feels right for you. What makes a person sociable may vary depending on your personality. Do what makes you comfortable and trust it will happen in your own time.
References:
5 proven ways to make more meaningful friendships as an adult. (2023, Bhattacharya, K., Ghosh, A., Monsivais, D., Dunbar, R., & Kaski, K. December 19). TODAY.com.
(2016). Sex differences in social focus across the life cycle in humans. Royal Society Open Science, 3(4), 160097.
Abrams, Z. (2023, June 1). The science of why friendships keep us healthy. Monitor on Psychology, 54 (4), 42. American Psychological Association, apa.org.
Carmichael, C. L., Reis, H. T., & Duberstein, P. R. (2015b). In your 20s it’s quantity, in your 30s it’s quality: The prognostic value of social activity across 30 years of adulthood. Psychology and Aging, 30(1), 95–105.
Loggins, B. (2022, September 6). How to make friends in your 20s and 30s. Real Simple.
Pezirkianidis, C., Galanaki, E., Raftopoulou, G., Moraitou, D., and Stalikas, A. (2023, January 24). Adult friendship and wellbeing: A systematic review with practical implications. Frontiers in Psychology, 2023; 14: 1059057.
