If facing people feels like a public performance, you’re not alone. Many individuals fear making a mistake in front of others, leaving them nervous even before commencing an interaction. According to Australia’s Centre for Clinical Interventions, nine out of 10 people have felt this type of shyness at some point.
Even Hollywood celebrities, paid to perform in front of an audience, can struggle with social anxiety and stage fright. So, it’s okay to be nervous during face-to-face interactions. You can learn to manage your fears and build your “social muscle” through practice.
Switch Off the Spotlight Effect
The fear of facing people may be rooted in what experts call “the spotlight effect,” a psychological tendency where you feel everyone’s watching you. As a result, you become more self-conscious and stressed about making a mistake in social situations. The truth is that people around you are often too preoccupied with their concerns to notice the little details making you nervous.
To illustrate, a study on the spotlight effect published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology asked college students to wear an embarrassing t-shirt to school. Only 25% of their peers even noticed the shirts.
Carry Out Mini Social Challenges
When you go to the gym for the first time, you don’t start with the largest barbell in the room. You ease into your routine and gradually increase weights and reps. Pacing yourself is true for building social skills, too.
Start with a list of social interactions or in-person communications, ranking them from easiest to hardest. Here are a few ideas to get you started:
- Invite a co-worker to lunch.
- Share one opinion in a meeting.
- Start a conversation with someone in your group fitness class.
- Volunteer for a community outreach program.
- Lead a group project.
Aim to perform a challenge weekly, then build your way up. You’ll realise that the more you do something, the easier it becomes. These challenges can also develop skills like reading body language or maintaining a conversation, preparing you for facing people in situations like public speaking.
Go With a Game Plan
Get out of your comfort zone with a plan to make you feel more in control. Here are some things that can help.
Before a party or social gathering:
- Prepare for small talk. Think of conversation starters or questions so you can play the listener role.
- Scout for quiet spots. Look for places like an exit stairway or back entrance to grab me-time when you’re overwhelmed.
- Check the guest list. It’s easier to socialise at gatherings where you already know someone. If possible, bring an extroverted friend who can be your social wingman.
Before a meeting or presentation:
- Anticipate the questions. Look at the agenda and the meeting participants. Think of the concerns that they may raise and plan your answers.
- Practise. Rehearse your slides as you visualise yourself at the meeting venue and speaking in front of others.
- Make (sort of) eye contact. Eye contact and other nonverbal cues build rapport and keep attention. But if it makes you feel more nervous, fake it by looking at the spot near the eyes, like the nose, cheek, or eyebrow.
Evaluate Your Automatic Thoughts
Certain situations can trigger “automatic thoughts” that reflect how you perceive your abilities and your prospects for the future. These notions influence your choices and interpretations of experiences and can become self-fulfilling prophesies. If you expect yourself to be miserable during a social activity, your mind will find a way to prove that you’re correct.
Be aware of the automatic thoughts that arise when you’re facing people. Then, challenge these negative tendencies and replace them with more empowering thoughts.
Negative thought: I’m a boring person. I have nothing interesting to say.
- Challenge the pessimism: I have a lot of ideas and a great personality. I find it harder to open up to strangers, but people like me once they get to know me.
- Positive thinking: I have many great qualities and I’m learning to share them with others.
Negative thought: Everyone else is so witty and outgoing. What’s wrong with me?
- Challenge the pessimism: People have different personalities. I may be quiet, but I have other strengths, like being a good listener.
- Positive thinking: I am comfortable with who I am. I will find my style for communicating and making friends.
Invest in Your Self-confidence
Socialising requires stepping out of your comfort zone, which can bring out many insecurities. But you have the power to choose whether to let these self-doubts bring you down or to act and work towards overcoming them.
Consider taking a public speaking class if you feel nervous during presentations. Get a great haircut and practise how to do makeup to feel more confident about your appearance. Ask your dentist about ClearCorrect aligners to straighten your crooked teeth without disrupting your daily routine.
Making these small but consistent changes can help when you start thinking people are waiting for you to stumble. With time, you can challenge the negativity and find facing people more manageable. More importantly, you will prove to yourself that you can face and overcome your fears.
References:
Bank, S., Burgess, M., Sng, A., Summers, M., Campbell, B., & McEvoy, P. (2020, October). Stepping Out of Social Anxiety. Perth, Western Australia: Centre for Clinical Interventions.
Facing your fears – Self-help CBT techniques – Every Mind Matters. (n.d.). National Health Service (NHS).
Gilovich, T., Medvec, V. H., & Savitsky, K. The spotlight effect in social judgment: An egocentric bias in estimates of the salience of one’s own actions and appearance. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 78(2), 211–222.
Positive Psychology. (n.d.). Challenging Automatic Thoughts with Positive Thoughts Worksheets.
